Archive for April, 2012

I glide gracefully around obstacles in my path, always with the goofy grin on my face.

Changing the boys school for better educational opportunities, no problem.

Starting a business with my husband while I still work full time outside of the home, no problem. Starting my own as well, no problem.

Pregnant teenage neice needs to move in with us, no problem.

Bills paid, groceries stocked, new shoes as needed, new clothes as needed, no problem.

What they don’t see:

My feet flayling beneath me to keep me atop the water. Keeping me from sinking in the sea of life.

Fear that if I stop flayling about beneath the surface, that I will indeed sink, never to reach the surface again.

Keep that in mind the next time you are envious of someone elses seemlessly perfect life. They too are flayling about,  beneath the surface, trying to stay afloat.


My day started as planned. Buscuits and gravy for breakfast. Breakfast cooked, family fed and happy, now time to start the day.

Our plan was to go and look at new laptops as our 6 year old walmart model is on its last leg. Our business can not take a crash now that it is such an integral part of it. As my husband lay on the bed, over full from such a wonderful breakfast, I started a load of towels in the washer. I turned to him to tell him to get dressed so we could get done with errands early and have the afternoon to spend doing fun things with our boys when I heard it.

Gajug, gajug, gajug……eeeeehhhhh, gajug, gajug, eeeehhhhh! I said to my husband…”are you telling me we are going to have to…” and as I turned to the washer for what I thought was going to be a balancing of the load, I saw the smoke. Frantically I rushed to it pulling buttons and cords trying to turn it off. He jumped to the fuse box flipping breakers until he found the right one. Smoke filled the house in 30 seconds flat!

The boys ran through the house screaming “FIRE – FIRE – FIRE! Everyone out! Call 9-1-1!” As the alarms started sounding off through out the house. Driving us crazy of course, but creating terror in the boys. So they ran through, but not out. Jumping and figiting all over in the tiny room that housed the machine. Four people do not fit in that space.

We began to open doors and windows to air out the gray, horribly scented smoke and started to assess the situation. We have done several repairs to the unit in last few years, it is 6 years old and was not a top of the line set to begin with. It would be nice to just replace the washer seeing as it was the only one that was broke, but it was a stackable unit. NOT a possibility for us. UGH!

I removed the large load of soaked towels from the washer and placed them in the tub. My youngest underfoot trying to help with the task when in reality, he was just trying to get wet from the soap and water soaked towels, laughing now that there was no real fire. My oldest is the worrier and continually asked what will he wear to school if we can’t wash his clothes. Both my husband and I attempted to reassure him that we would have a washer and dryer in just a couple of hours but he would have nothing of it.

When my youngest son realized that it was not a repair, but a replacement, he began to sulk and tear up. He does not like change and for some reason sees all objects as members of the family. How do I explain nicely after all this, that the flaming washer of death was NOT staying in my house, I don’t care how much you “Love” him!

And we headed off to Menards, where we found out just how much we were going to spend. AAAAHHHHHH!

I do love the new ones though! 🙂

The Grand Plan took a grand flop at my house. Eighty degree days in March cut the program short, and spending all of our time outside left my poor house in shambles as everyone shoved their chores aside in exchange for sun on thier faces.

I can’t blame them really, or myself for that matter. It was worth it! We got alot done in the yard, repaired and installed fence, weeded the flower beds, but now however, I am reminded of the chores left undone as I pull into my garage. My once neat and tidy entry porch, is now a piled up mess once again, and I find myself embarrassed to have unannounced guests.

Glancing at the calendar of events already scheduled, I wonder if I will have the time or the energy to retackle these projects and continue through to the rest of my home. I then wonder….when will it be complete? Might I ask why is it that when everyone in my house needs something they know exactly where it is….but when asked to put it away, it never goes to that place again or they have no idea where to put it at all? Funny how that works.

Last night I told the boys to go through the basket of laundry fresh from the dryer and take care of the ones that belonged to them. My 12 year old jumed to the task and was done in 15 minutes flat. I later found all of his clothes smashed firmly into a drawer not nearly large enough to house them all. Followed up this morning with panicked screeches of “Mom, I don’t have any clean shirts! Or jeans! Did you wash them?” The sound of the dryer door slamming shut completed the request. I responded by walking calmly into his room, removing the partially opened drawer and setting it on his bed.  His reply: “How’d they get in there?”

My 8 year old simply did not want to do it. He got his hangers and began putting all of his shirts on inside out and sideways. When I told him to correct them he promptly got huffy and ran 15 laps around the house for attitude. After a brief training session and his realization that I was not going to do it for him, it only took about 35 minutes for him to hang 2 pair of jeans and 8 shirts. Whew! When I entered his room this morning to exchange his stained play shirt for a clean school shirt, I found the clothes in a pile on the floor of his closet, hangers still on them. A meer 24 inches from the empty bar they were intended to hang from.

I guess I know what I will be doing tonight……

Everyday when I drive to work, I am reminded that equal rights for women allowed me the priviledge to have a job. I am reminded that years ago 1 woman stood up for all women and asked for that right.

I leave my children in the hands of others that I deem capable to watch over them for the 9+ hours that I am unavailable to them. I then spend my nights and weekends cleaning, cooking, doing yard work, taking care of the family pets, helping with homework if needed, scheduling time off to take them to their respective appointments, emailing their teachers after they have gone to bed, and logging in to the teachers logs to check and make sure that they are doing as well as I think in school.

It is at the end of my day (11pm or later) that I remember that 1 woman. And I think about how wonderful it would be to travel back in time to the day she threw her bra on that fire…………..and choke her to death with it!


Ahh…..the pleasures of life! I suppose you never get anything for free, and the fact that I was not a winner in the Mega Millions drawing is proof of that. Somehow, somewhere, there is a cost to everything. 

Life will always throw you a curve ball. Some call it Karma, I call it testing. How will you handle this situation? Because in life, it is how you handle those situations that defines who you are. I guess if I continue with the analogy, if life throws you a curve ball, the type of person you is how you catch the ball and if you throw it at someone else or not.

I’ve always been one of those people who catch and keep. Which ends up causing a lot of stress in my life. I even seem to be the type to jump in front of my friends and family and catch thier curve balls before they ever reach them. I’ve recently decided that needs to stop. But they just catch them and throw them at me. Where I take it apart, divide it into like piles and tackle the problem until there are no more piles left.  The problem….I have a stack of undisected balls of my own. Again, I need to find a way to catch and throw.

I don’t mind being the person everyone relies on to help them. I find it flatering in a way, that so many friends and family trust me that much.  I love them all and I want them to be as happy as I am….and not as stressed. But what I have found is that being the “helper” and the “do-er” are really 2 different things.

I work outside of the home 4 days a week, my husband and I run a business, we have 2 young boys, bills that seem to pile up, and now added to the mix, my 17 year old niece has moved in with us.  This brings on all her curve balls as well. The hardest to disect, the ones from her past that she holds onto like they are gold. The newest, her unexpected pregnancy (thank you recalled birth control) and the baby’s dad.  As if being a teenager wasn’t hard enough! 

And there is always more….but it’s not curve balls all the time. There are the evening walks with my husband, flying kites with my boys, ultrasound pictures of the coming baby, bon fires and marshmallow roasting, bike rides and swimming. I just need to find the strength to throw those balls back….without ever looking at them.