Archive for February, 2012

“They’re not being nice to me!” I heard time and time again from the little blonde haired, blue eyed daughter of our friend. She is 6 and no one ever wants to play nice with her. In reality, no one will ever do exactly as she says.

I had my two boys, 12 and 8. My sisters three, 10 year old girl and 7 year old twin boys, and our fiends two, 6 year old girl and 4 year old son. ALL WEEKEND! The girls are too far apart in age to get along and the boys just don’t want to play house. I can’t understand why.

I had 4 boys running through the house with guns and wooden swords shooting and slicing monsters, a little girl pouting and stomping behind them, and the 2 pre-teens desprately trying to find a place where the other 5 couldn’t find them to hide out.

The hubby has been sick for about 3 weeks and we just found out on Friday that it was pnuemonia. He is not happy. So while the choas was building around him, he attempted to take a nap….in the living room. What was he thinking? After about an hour….he had reached his breaking point.

We routinely use running as a punishment, simply because most of the time, the reason the kids are in trouble is because they have excess energy and seeing as it is winter in Michigan, no where to really burn it off. It gives them exercise too. So really, it’s not that bad. Five laps around our small house take about 7 minutes, if they are actually running.

So out the door, in the dark with every outside light we have on, seven children file out  to run 5 laps. It reminded me of gym class when I was in elementary school. Back when the weather didn’t stop the faculty from sending us outside. The silence was wonderful! The husband dozed off and I was able to clean up the kitchen from all the pizza that had been half eaten. Once I had completed my task I sat in the chair and started to cover up with the lap blanket, then realizing that it had been far to long for 5 laps. I jumped up and ran to the sliding glass door.

I found the older two eating snow with the youngest at the picnic table and the other 4 decided that it was soooo much fun, they were going to try for 20! Apparently my punishment was exactly what they wanted. And they ran, and ran and ran.

But then we realized the problem with them enjoying the running. You see, not everyone had brought snow gear with them for the weekend, so we were not allowing any of them to play outside. So when they wanted out, they ran through the house, guns blazing, swords waving, voices screaming, killing invisible monsters (and me) until Dad could take it no more, and they ran.

Side note….I have realized that I will never own a day care, be a teacher, and that having my tubes tied, was a VERY good idea! 🙂

Ok…I am going to rant a little. More accurate…I am going to list a few truths, the real ones.

First, my Ma and Pa were in Love for over 20 years. They shared their lives together. It was their choice and I am happy they made that choice. If you are not, get over yourself…it was not about you! It was about them.

It was the money my Mom and Dad had worked for and saved for over 25 years that bailed Pa out of the IRS hell his 3 daughters put him in after “borrowing” undetermined amounts of money from his business and failing to file any tax returns for several years.

It was the money my Mom and Dad had worked for and saved for over 25 years that bailed his oldest daughters house out of foreclosure which she promptly gave away during her divorce just a few years later.

They both passed away with nothing in savings because of the multiple “loans” to his three girls for things like horses, feed for the horses, hay for the horses, cars for the boyfriends and this doesn’t even include the trucks and cars that his kids “bought” on payments from them. And then there is the rent for his house that was hardly ever paid. Had you paid the rent you agreed on (which was far lower than fair market value) the loan on his house would have been paid off years ago!

They kept their stuff separate. He had his house and property and Mom had her house and property. They kept it this way for a reason. So his kids would inherit the home they grew up in and Moms kids would inherit hers. They now want half of all of my Moms stuff because they are greedy and that is the only reason. (oh, but they don’t want to divide his house in the same way)

He told his family, his friends, Mom and us girls that they would be a handful to deal with. That thier greed would make the loss of his life a mess. That they would have no respect for his wishes and try to get every dime they could even if they had no right to it. He was right. And the sad part is truely that they were never around much while he was alive, otherwise they would have already known what his wishes were (as if the will was not clear enough).

Mom did not steal his SS check. His daughter brought it over to her every month without fail. She would then deposit that check into thier joint account. The same way it had been done for the past 20 years. She used that money to pay his house payment, house insurance (which was occupied by his daughter), car insurance, supplemental health insurance, purchase his prescriptions, buy food, pay bills….the same way it had been done for 20 years.

Mom took care of him diligently for 2 years after his stroke. (They signed over his medical POA to her) She rarely left the house except to go get groceries on Saturday which she had to get someone to come sit with him to even do. She loved him and he loved her. They were happy and Pa didn’t want to be anywhere else but with her. Stroke or not, his wishes were to be at home.

And that is what love is. It is enjoying the good times and making the bad times work. It is giving up the last 2 years of your own life to take care of the one you love. It is dying of a broken heart 8 months after your partner passes away. It is not getting treated for cancer because you knew you would not be able to take care of your partner if you did. It’s giving everything you have to give to the other and not being pissy about it. And that is what Ma and Pa had.

So I am sorry that you sucked every dime you could out of your Dad and my Mom before they passed away. I am sorry that you realize that and can’t get over it. I am sorry that you think money will make you feel better. Because I know everyday that he loved me and I know everyday that he knew I loved him. Because I know that I am doing exactly what Pa wanted done and what Mom wanted done when they passed. I know because I saw him or spoke with him everyday for over 20 years.

He did not have to be my Pa. It was a choice that he made and I feel blessed to have had him choose me to be his daughter, to have loved me. And that is what love is, that is what it feels like to be truely loved, because they choose to love you. And that feeling is the greatest feeling in the world and I feel sorry for you that you never felt it.

And that is what love is.

And it was quiet…..

Posted: February 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
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I just don’t know anymore. It seems as though my days and nights fly by, unnoticed with little to no effort. I can remember a time when life was slower, days sweeter. But I just don’t know where they have gone or if they are coming back.

I’ve got in my head the things that need to get done to reclaim my life, my home as my own again and I have committed myself to making sure that it happens. But what then? After the house is de-cluttered and organized. What will I do then?

Just now I sent the boys outside to play as it is a nice day out ( rare for a day in February in Michigan ) and for about 3 seconds there was a silence in my house. And for those few precious seconds I felt as if the world had slowed. I could breathe again. But then it was over and the chaos began again.

Amidst all the cleaning, organizing, frivolous law suits against myself and my sisters, helping to run my husbands business and hopefully start a branch of my own, I think we have all forgotten the simple pleasures of life.

We’ve lost the sweet joy of a bon fire, hot dogs on the grill, an evening walk and yes even silence. Why is that today we must have noise in order to feel complete? The tv or the radio is on all the time and now even my husband finds it comforting to have the tv on to go to sleep.

I guess I just wish life was more like when I was a kid. There were only 4 tv channels on a clear day and if there wasn’t anything on….the tv was off. We would color at the table quietly because we were actually concentrating on what we’d we’re doing or we would read! Yes I said it. We read books! The kind with pages made of paper. And we liked it!

And it was quiet.

Road trip

Posted: February 18, 2012 in Uncategorized
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“Is the whole trip gonna look like this?” is the first and only question I have heard on this trip. We are traveling just south of Indianapolis to pick up a lathe for my husbands business.

So the answer is yes. It is all going to look like massive fields. But the farther south we go the greener it will be. Which as my husband pointed out is putting us all in a better mood but as we return home it will be come browner again and eventually we will begin to see the remains of snow.

It brought back the urge to move again. To leave all the bad memories behind of mistakes made and loved ones lost and start anew. To have that hobby farm we have both dreamed about and live mostly off of what we grow ourselves.

But again my wiser husband reminded me that although we would be leaving behind all the things that remind us of the bad, we would be leaving behind all the things that remind of the good as well.

And so I sit, waiting to have this thing loaded on the trailer, awaiting to start the ride home. Realizing that a dream of a hobby farm is just that, a dream. That I will forever be residing in the place I call home, because it is my home. And that’s okay.

Another weekend gone

Posted: February 13, 2012 in Uncategorized
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So I’ve spent another weekend doing the running around that needed to be done and cleaning up from the non-stop revolving door of friends and family. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the friends and family and the company. I love that my house is the central meeting place where everyone feels like they are home. It’s like my house is Cheers.

But sometimes I feel like my weekends and my weeks really revolve around everyone but my own husband and kids. The time I have seems to end up being devoted to cleaning up after all the company instead of enjoying the time I have with them. I feel like I am missing out on them.

Instead of talking about it with my loving husband I am on here blogging about it. Not because we don’t communicate but because we have discussed it before and it is something he is not willing to budge on. His house growing up was not a place his friends felt comfortable in mostly because he was the youngest of 9.

I understand that but I also would like to have some down time with my family. Doing something fun instead of cleaning away my weekends. Or feeling guilty because the have to dos didn’t get done while I was having fun with them.

Halfway to 70

Posted: February 1, 2012 in Just me
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On my way to work today I realized that I will be turning 35 on Friday. A fact I don’t want to get out! I have my kids believing that I will forever be 29 and someday they will be older than me. 🙂

That puts me halfway to 70. A realization that my mortality is real. Mid-life crisis? No. I don’t plan on going out and buying clothes that are too young for me to wear, a convertable or motorcycle. My reality is that my mother passed away 3 months and 11 days before her 70th birthday. It makes me wonder if I will make it to mine.

She was a smoker to her last day, and I, unfortunately, have followed in her foot steps. My fear is that I will inevitably suffer that same fate. Thus, forcing my boys  to suffer the same sadness that I did when she passed.

So I decided to quit smoking for good. Not that I can reverse the damage that I have already done for the past 20 years, but maybe I can be healthier to fight what ever I have caused when it comes. The next 35 years of my life need to better spent.